Personal DS comment: when I was pregnant with Hope I had 3 major prayer requests I would ask God over and over ...1) that Hope would be able to breast feed.... 2) that she would be healthy.....3) that I would love her
Well after 3 weeks of Hope being terribly jaundiced, lots of tears from me trying to get her to feed while she slept constantly, we mastered the breast feeding thanks to some help from Penny Reimers and lots of determination and perseverance. She was not the weak little sucker I had been led to believe DS babies were and I was sooo relieved because I knew the breastmilk would be best for her and also protect her immune system.
Hope was super healthy for her first two years (probably thanks to breastmilk), this year has been quite a downer but I know that lots of children go through a year or two when they see, constantly sick. This year Hope has had 11 antibiotics over 7 months, a really bad round of coxsackievirus when she had huge ulcers under her tongue and down her throat and endless sore ears so now she has grommets. But I am still extremely thankful that she has had no major health issues when they are so much more common in children with DS. I must admit that I sometimes live anxiously awaiting something terrible to crop up and I think that is partly because I'm a little skittish after having experienced our 'in control' world being shattered by Hope having DS but I also think it's rather weak faith. I have to remind myself that God does have our best interests at heart and I read a verse a few weeks ago that said the righteous man does not live fearing something dreadful (think it's a psalm) so am working on that!
Lastly but most importantly, I think the fact that I was desperately concerned that I would love my baby was an indication that I was going to love her anyway seeing as love is an action not a feeling but God also blessed me with a flood of emo love when Hope was first put in my arms. I loved her when I first saw her but there was a moment when she stole a piece of my heart forever....the first morning after the caesar I had waited up all night anxious not to miss her waking up for a feed, i was super excited and overtired and I was sore from the op and she had only woken at 3am! They brought her to me and I tried to feed her and then later she had cried for a bit and to soothe her I had put her up on my chest and then got stuck sitting up because I couldn't move as it was too sore to bend. Anyway the sun was rising and I had the curtains open, as the dawn broke, Hope pushed herself right up and looked me straight in the eyes with her brilliant blue eyes with wonder and that was the moment...I feel like part of my heart remains with her ....I don't know if all parents feel like this or my heart should be fully reserved for Christ but that moment in time is precious to me and it is a privilege to feel something of what God feels for every one of us.
